Rip-off News round-up. Our pick of the last week's media (Thu 6th March)

RBS pays £600m in bonuses despite £5.2bn losses

Despite also losing £1.2bn last year, RBS CEO Stephen Hester confirmed that he plans to join his investment bankers in taking his bonus for the first time in four years. It will award him £780,000 in shares next month. Last year he returned his bonus after a massive computer glitch cost RBS well over £100m in compensation. INDEPENDENT
(Well, in that case, fingers crossed for another computer meltdown…)

Computer meltdown hits RBS as customers are unable to withdraw cash
The most seriously affected are customers of RBS-owned NatWest Bank. Today's problems come after technical issues hit RBS and its subsidiaries last June and left millions of customers unable to pay bills or move money for days. RBS apologised. INDEPENDENT
(Errr... whoops!...)

Cadbury accused of opening imaginary factory in India to dodge tax

Cadbury, owned by US food giant Mondelēz (formerly Kraft), is reported to have reprogrammed its accounting system so employees could submit false invoices, purchase orders and other documents that made it seem as if a new plant were operating. DAILY MAIL
(“We’re very sorry and heads will roll… for not sticking with a fake company in the Cayman Islands, like everyone else,” said a genuinely contrite Mondelez spokesperson…)

Banks cut back on loans to business, in spite of getting £14bn “Funding for Lending” from the Bank of England

Funding for Lending was meant to be passed on to small and medium-sized businesses. Instead, bank lending fell by £2.4bn in the final quarter of last year. The Bank of England’s deputy governor, Paul Tucker, admitted that the majority of the £14bn had gone to homebuyers. Businesses confident of expanding and repaying the loans have been turned down by the banks. BBC NEWS
(“...Because only we know how big a mess the economy’s in, stupid. Hey, we created it!” said our sympathetic bank insider.)

“Global centre of banking” Switzerland backs curbs on executive pay

Voters in Switzerland have backed controls on executive pay, forcing public companies to give shareholders a binding vote on remuneration. Swiss companies will also no longer be able to pay so-called “golden hellos” and “golden parachutes”, whereby senior managers receive a one-time cash lump sum when joining or leaving a company. But companies could also seek ways around the new rules and experts have questioned whether shareholders will make full use of their new rights. The new Swiss rules are now the world’s toughest on fat cat pay. TELEGRAPH
(…and the punch line is? “The new Swiss rules are now the world’s toughest on fat cat pay,” said the entire world weeping tears of frustration…)

Massive profits and bonuses at HSBC, despite paying $4.2bn in fines in 2012

The billions in fines has not stopped CEO Stuart Gulliver getting paid $14.1m in 2012, up from $10.6m in 2011. Globally, 204 employees were paid more than £1m last year, of which 78 were in the UK group headquarters. Overall profit was $20.6bn. HSBC paid out $1.9bn in fines for money laundering, and set aside another $2.3bn for mis-selling financial products in the UK. Last year HSBC was caught breaking laws by doing business in Syria and Iran, and trucking lorry-loads of cash for Mexican drug cartels. BBC NEWS
(“To avoid the bad publicity we thought of delivering these bonuses in truck-loads of cash. But we keep getting caught,” said our HSBC insider…)

Npower profits soar by a THIRD after its inflation-busting winter fuel price hikes

The German owned firm reveals 34% rise in profits to £413m. It increased gas prices 8.8% and electricity 9.1% last November. The industry-wide price hikes pushed a further 300,000 households into fuel poverty, taking the total to 7.5m. DAILY MAIL

Clampdown on payday lenders

Payday lenders will be forced to share data to stop multiple loans, the number of TV ads could be limited, and there will be unlimited fines for those who break the rules. Payday lenders have 12 weeks to comply. The OFT found widespread breaches of the law and regulations. Payday lenders are earning up to half their revenue from rolled over loans causing costs to mount up rapidly. Although lenders told the OFT the average loan was £270, charities report typical debts of more than £1,000. GUARDIAN